Insta reality check

There has been a lot of chatter in the last week or so around what's reality, what's been hyped up and what's down right faked on Instagram and how these aspirational images can be detrimental to vulnerable new mums. I thought I'd throw my opinion into the mix because it's definitely something I've been mulling over for a few weeks.

When I started my account it was primarily to get some home inspiration and follow reality TV stars to laugh at the tummy tea and teeth whitening products they were flogging. In December 2016 I found myself unexpectedly pregnant, with no friends who had kids or were close to having them. This made me feel pretty lonely; I had no other girl to discuss heartburn cures or to go to pregnancy yoga with. Luckily I had a boyfriend who supported me and became an expert in all things pregnancy related but it was definitely a void that I felt in my life. And suddenly I stumbled across a midwife whose pregnancy book I had pre-ordered. Here on Instagram was this whole community of pregnant women and mum's across the world, virtually giving reassurance or making each other laugh on a daily basis.

In the early days of motherhood, during the night feeds, the worry about weigh ins, the bloody tongue tie and difficult latch, Instagram provided me with a community. A place to post a picture, ask a question, read up and research the suggestions. Or simply just smile when someone said how adorable Eva was. It also helped me to find women who I could relate to.

I've spoken to younger mum's like myself who are career focused, when in my local community every woman I spoke to was ten years older and stay at home.

However there is a dark side to the gram, constant images of women looking amazing and refreshed during/after birth, while I was rocking my jelly belly in a t-shirt and trackies for the third day running. Helpful husbands bringing roses and breakfast in bed whilst mine lay beside me snoring as I did the fourth night feed at 3 am. Or the latest product that would definitely absolutely positively guarantee an 8 week old to take a bottle and enable me to have my boobs to myself for longer than two hours. And it can be dangerous to anyone's state of mind get too embroiled with the whole thing, comparing your lot and thinking the grass is greener. Resentment can easily creep in or in my case I felt my tummy drop a bit.

So now I do find myself questioning why I'm taking this picture of a pretty table of flowers, or a cute snap of Eva. I like the creativity of Instagram, using flowers, food and interiors to create an atheistic picture that will inspire those who follow my account. And this is the key bit for me, it's why I started my account in the first place to follow people who's creativity and genius I could incorporate into my own little world. I have created a setting for a picture just for my grid. I have a letter board which I really enjoy putting quotes on, even if it is so bloody fiddly. I've thrown mess to the other side of the room to get the perfect 'tidy room' shot. But in all honesty when I reflect at my favourite pictures and coincidentally the most liked, are just candid pictures of my Eva. 

That’s why I think it comes down to aspirational and inspirational. Often used interchangeably but very different. Inspiration is to be stimulated to do something where as aspiration is to have hope or ambition to achieve. For me the women I aspire to are those in the reality of my life already. Women I have worked alongside, who are changing and challenging how companies engage with their employees, building better relationships which in turn has the power to improve that relationship with their customers. Women like my old friends who are involved with activism and equal rights. Who stand up to challenge the status quo and are helping to bring about social change in my home country.  The women in my own family, whose strength and determination has literally put food on the table and gotten me to the place I am today. These are the women that I want to emulate on a daily basis for their courage, elegance and determination. I can safely guess that none of those women are bothered about likes or impressions on Instagram. They are too busy being liked or making an impression in the real world. 

So I had a clear out, an un-following purge. On the advice that if they aren’t adding anything  then let them go. And I found some new accounts, ones on photography and travel which make me smile whenever I see their posts. And that’s what’s Instagram should be, it should add to your life. Not give you a knot in your tummy because you think your lot isn’t as great.  

We need to remind ourselves that these squares are all what we choose to put up, the best bits. We have total control over them and can to a certain degree tell whatever story we like. Which just shows why we shouldn't feel jealous or envious because someone else 'appears' to be living their best life. It's about finding the handful of people you connect with

I'm going to use Instagram as more of a storybook, to capture our lives in little squares so that one day we can sit down together and go through our memories together. And I bet I'll feel jealous of the girl who was posting that and wishing I could go back!