Returning to work after having a baby

It's been a whole three months since I dusted off my power suit, (metaphorical, though I would love a little shoulder pad number), packed the baby's nursery bag and began my new routine of constant drop offs and pick ups. And I must admit, it feels much much longer. I'll admit at first I thought it was fantastic, I genuinely thought I'd cracked some sort of magical balance which meant I got enough 'me' time mixed in with plenty of 'mum'ing. However I now think that it was just the novelty of a change in routine after 12 months of somewhat isolation with only an adorable baby for company.

As days turned to weeks, the emotional reality of my decisions around working and parenting came to light. By 6pm on weekdays I felt physically sick by not being in her presence for so long. I'd text her grandma for updates and pictures and then be pushed to the brink of tears when I received them.

Being a working mother, feels like the ultimate dilemma, a real damned if you do, dammed if you don't. In our household, I'm the bread winner. That particular responsibility has fallen upon my shoulders and although I love my career, I'm acutely aware that I am sacrificing time and memories with my daughter to continue it. And on the other hand, the kid needs food, clothes and a house. That job pays for those. I'm securing her future by sacrificing time today. That sounds quite dramatic but it's  how it feels some days. Like a lot of modern families, we need to have two incomes. We have a really lovely home and I would feel even more guilt reducing our income because of my wants.

The lack of control is also difficult to hand over to other people to care for her. I spent a whole year being her primary carer, I knew everything from what her current favourite snack is to when she last had a poop. Now I feel like a bystander sometimes, a passive participant rather than the main event. Eva recently learnt how to say 'duck' and I felt genuinely upset because I wasn't the one to teach it to her. It all feels quite small when it's written down but the emotional guilt has been overwhelming at times. We've had two illnesses in those three months and watching my baby be so unwell whilst having to leave her at home with her dad or grandma was particularly difficult.

However there are positives to the situation. Eva has developed and grown so much in the past three months. Her personality is shining through every day and she is learning lots at nursery. The social side of nursery is particularly good for her as she doesn't have much other contact with kids. And being back at work is good for me. I feel challenged everyday, I feel like I have a renewed sense of purpose in my life. My brain feels full of ideas and I feel motivated to develop my skills and qualifications once again.

The best bit however is how wonderful it is to spend time with Eva on the weekends. We make an effort to get ourselves out of the house and explore new places. The time may be reduced but the quality is just wonderful. I relish having the whole day with her and living in the moment and not worrying so much about little things which have caused me to stress out in the past. It's easy to compare your situation to others, everyone's looks a little bit better than yours sometimes. Whether your a full time mum, full time employee or a mix of the both we are all just muddling our way through, trying to find our way.

Eva's 15 Month Update

Eva turns 15 months old today! We are out of the baby days and full steam ahead for toddlerhood. She is constantly on the go, into everything that she can get her hands on and is a contender for world’s fastest crawler. It’s such an exciting time and so far it’s been my favourite stage. I’m feeling a little bit sad that she’s becoming more independent every day but it’s making me so proud to see her grow and learn.

How to stay-cation with a baby and have a good time

Being a first time mum, I was desperate scenery after about three months. I was exclusively breastfeeding and hadn’t yet felt confident with public feeding. This meant that I spent quite a lot of time within the confines of my living rooms four walls. We were also going through a huge transition in our life. Eva had overtaken every area of our home, our lives and our thoughts. It was time for us to spend some time together as a family and with a little break away from the house.

I initially was obsessed with the idea of getting away for some winter sun in October but honestly I just grew more and more nervous with the idea of it. Everyone knows that babies are small but their entourage of personal possessions is ridiculous. I didn't fancy trying to cart a breast pump, sleepy head, pram, car seat through airport security or pay £100 just for the basic right to take it all. So I started to look closer to home! Also I love exploring new places in the UK since we got our car. 

A stay-cation is a brilliant idea for new parents. You get to bring all your essentials with you, packed in the car, whilst going to a cottage or rental which has all the rest. There is no dusting, hoovering or washing to be done. There is just time to spend with your new family unit getting to make memories, relax and get used to your new dynamic. Here are my top tips for having the perfect stay-cation. 

What I’ve learnt in my first two weeks back at work

There were so many worries I had whilst I lay in bed on Sunday night. What if I forgotten how to do my job? What if people had forgotten me? What if Eva didn’t take to her new routine? How will I manage the constant juggling between drop offs, pickups and actually doing my job and trying to excel in it? The last month has felt like a countdown to the inevitable so I’ll be honest, I was looking forward to getting it over with. It all felt very real when I packed up my laptop, grabbed my phone and took my little pre made lunch into what once was a changing bag. And you know what, I got through it! Leaving Eva was hard but I knew she was being cared for by the very best people. Here are some things I’ve learnt this week.

Why flexible working isn't just for mums

So as of last Monday, Eva started attending nursery  and I’ve officially stopped being a full time mum. Although I’m super nervous for her and myself, I know that it’s actually the best thing for her. She’s such a social little girl and loves trying new activities. She will be going two days a week as I go back to work full time. That's right, 9 to 5, Monday to Friday. No days off for me. 

Looking towards our new normal

After a full 56 weeks away from my day job, I am taking off my 'Full time mum' bonnet and placing my 'career gal' cap back on. When I first went off, I remember thinking that a year was a lifetime. Especially as it wasn't going to be a holiday! I was swapping a full time job where I was confident and capable for a world of baby where I didn't know if I even belonged. My final day of work I was so caught up in the fact that I couldn't imagine being away for a full year that I started researching how I could come back within six months. Those pregnancy hormones mess with your mind! I was very fortunate to be able to save throughout the nine months to enable me to spend the full year off with Eva whilst paying myself. However it's time to go back and although I'm sad about the end of this chapter, I am looking forward to embracing our family's 'new normal'.

Consistency

I'm pretty relaxed whilst on maternity leave, we don't have a set in stone routine for our days. The only staples are meal times and bed times which has worked really well for both Eva and I in the past year. I didn't want to put the pressure on myself in the early days by signing up to 8 different baby classes because some days I just didn't want to leave my own little bubble. However it's so difficult to plan activities, keep to healthy eating routines or go to the gym when you take each day as it comes. Although 20 year old me would be appalled, it turns out I feel best when I have a consistent approach to my life and this can only be done when you know the routine for the days ahead.

Once I go back to work, Eva will settle into her new childcare and going back to work will provide me with a structured routine that will be the driving force for the rest of our lives. I might actually get fit and go to the gym again, who knows!

Deserve to fulfill my aspirations

The past year has taught me so much about myself that I never knew. I 'm an absolute worrier and I don't take perceived criticism of my parenting at all well. But I'm also resilient, strong and my family's future and safety is my number one priority. Let's face it, every mum puts their kids ahead of their own needs every single day. I will do every thing for that girl but for my own health I need something that is for me. I deserve to continue to work on my career aspirations, just because I became a mum doesn't mean that I stopped having needs and wants. My career ambitions can run parallel to that of my aspirations for my families future. Sure, it'll be a juggling act, it will be hard, there will be fights and tears. Women have discussed the guilt that comes with being a full time working mum but I'm more determined that ever to set some personal goals and smash them.

Financial

I'm extremely fortunate to get such a great maternity package from my employer. The fact that there is such a basic minimum requirement from employers shows what a long way we have to go in terms of better working requirements for women. Just because you are at home taking care of your infant doesn't mean that Nationwide stops asking for the mortgage to be paid every month. As soon as I became pregnant I devised a savings plan to ensure that I could still pay my bills during the three months that I was on SMP and then the last three months of zero pay.

Having a baby is such an overwhelming life change that adding financial worry to it just would have been too much for me. Luckily I was able to save enough during pregnancy to 'pay' myself during those more financial stringent times so I didn't notice it too much. However it did mean we couldn't afford to be overly extravagant such as going abroad this summer or doing certain work to the house. I'm really looking forward to being financially independent again and being able to save.

 I feel like I've been in a stagnant state during these past six months because I can't do certain things until I'm back on the full time pay roll. Going back to work means we can start planning for our future and begin to tackle the very large 'to do' list on the house!


Being a role model for my daughter

We have such a momentous job raising children and I absolutely respect those parents that decide to stay at home. Unfortunately for us, that isn't an option. Therefore I am looking on the positives of working full time.Going back to work for me will provide an excellent opportunity to inspire and challenge my daughter.

 Parenthood is all about being a great example to children, guiding them on the right path and hoping that your decisions will be the best thing for them. I want to demonstrate that hard work and determination will mean that you can achieve anything. I think that this is one of the greatest lessons that a child can learn from a young age. I watched my mum work as a single mother from the age of 4. I never doubted that she loved me and I always knew that she was doing it for our future. I read on the working mother blog that children look at how you approach work and will model it after you.

I think that the idea of 'balance' is just unrealistic and that there will always be an area of your life which suffers as you give another more attention. However the benefit of teaching Eva about responsibility, building relationships with people and the power of hard work is something that I'm so passionate about.

So here we are, ready to start our new normal. I'll check back in a couple of weeks to see how month one of working mum goes!

The fickle world of Instagram

So recently I’ve seen a lot posts from some of my favourite people to follow about how they are getting less likes and how it’s affecting their fondness for Instagram. I don’t have many followers on the gram, nor do I frequently get 100 + likes on my pictures. But I don’t post for those reasons. I think it’s very easy to get sucked into the hideous world of Instagram “success”.

People are pouring their creativity, their ambitions and their time into a platform which has a scientific but baffling algorithm. This means that sometimes you put out a post that you think is brilliant, yet it may receive less likes than yesterday’s. This can be demoralising and at times almost hurtful. 

How to road trip with a baby and not lose your mind

We recently traveled to Devon for a short break for my birthday. I was initially very daunted at the prospect of spending 4.5 hours in the back of a car with a cranky teething baby and so I looked closer to home for a trip. However we have always wanted to visit the West country and we found the most amazing secluded cottage so on a spur of the moment we booked it! I spent so much time researching how to ensure that it wasn't the journey from hell and so I thought it might be helpful to share what worked for us. We ended up having a fantastic time away and it has made me want to plan a trip back again immediately!

1. Download their favourite tv programmes. BBC iPlayer is amazing and you can download Teletubbies and in the night garden. However make sure you have a way to set up so the baby can see it as I hadn’t thought that far ahead and had to hold it upright for two hours straight 

2.Use a Thermos to put in the baby’s milk so it’s nice and warm and ready to pour into bottles. I did the same for her purée which worked really well. It meant that we didn’t have to stop to try and get it heated up 

3.Plan your route before hand. We had pre arranged pit stops for toilet breaks, nappy changes and maybe a sneaky McDonald’s. I was very mindful of the two hour rule, that babies shouldn't be in car seats for more than that. So when we stopped we made sure it was for 45 minutes to make sure she had a good break

4.We timed Eva’s nap with the beginning of our journey so she would sleep through quite a bit of it. Babies seem to sleep for so much longer in the car than at home! 

5.Use sun shades to keep the light off baby and this also helps to keep them asleep for longer

6.I bought a few new toys and introduced them throughout the journey to keep her stimulated as sitting down for so long is Eva’s idea of hell usually

7.Bring plenty of snacks. We bought a cool box and brought veggies and yogurt to keep her interest and also snacks are everything on a road trip 

8. Finally we stopped for a nappy change and we changed her into her pjs so that once we arrived we could just read her the bed time story and pop her into bed. 

Eva managed to sleep for about two hours of the whole journey both ways which was fantastic and meant that I got to eat my cookies and read a whole book! I'm going to do a blog post about the air bnb and places we visited. Do you have any great recommendations for Devon and Cornwall? I'm so keen to go back soon!

What I'm listening to..

Since having a small needy infant who is rather demanding of my time, I've found it difficult to keep up to speed on my general knowledge and current affairs. Reading time has been put on the back burner and even though Eva now retires to bed at an early 7 pm, I've become obsessed with watching Gordon Ramsay's Hotel Nightmares while I shovel my chicken & veg in. (I haven't eaten a meal at a reasonable speed in 8 months. Dinner time in my house goes 'Ok, she's down . SERVE. EAT EAT EAT' Always the fear she will wake up as I eat the first forkful.)


So podcasts have been my salvation so I can hold an actual adult conversation with anyone and everyone who will give me the time of day. I pop Eva in the buggy with a brightly coloured 'Baby Einstein' toy and stick the headphones on to while away an hour or so with some podcasts for company. These are the podcasts that have been getting me through my spring walks around Brighton.

All the best homeware buys from Matalan right now..

There is nothing I love more than changing up the interiors in my home. I have all the furnishings a constant rotation throughout the house as it's a fun way to keep things fresh whilst keeping spending to a minimum. Matalan is my go to shop for fun, inexpensive home furnishings and I'm constantly on the website checking the new in page. These are the top picks that are in my basket at the moment, some I've purchased, others I'm just awaiting pay day to buy!

Insta reality check

There has been a lot of chatter in the last week or so around what's reality, what's been hyped up and what's down right faked on Instagram and how these aspirational images can be detrimental to vulnerable new mums. I thought I'd throw my opinion into the mix because it's definitely something I've been mulling over for a few weeks.

When I started my account it was primarily to get some home inspiration and follow reality TV stars to laugh at the tummy tea and teeth whitening products they were flogging. In December 2016 I found myself unexpectedly pregnant, with no friends who had kids or were close to having them. This made me feel pretty lonely; I had no other girl to discuss heartburn cures or to go to pregnancy yoga with. Luckily I had a boyfriend who supported me and became an expert in all things pregnancy related but it was definitely a void that I felt in my life. And suddenly I stumbled across a midwife whose pregnancy book I had pre-ordered. Here on Instagram was this whole community of pregnant women and mum's across the world, virtually giving reassurance or making each other laugh on a daily basis.

Fireplace decorating ideas

During our house search I was only sure of two things; the place needed to have a good sized garden and I wanted some sort of period features. This pretty much ruled much all of the new builds in our area which were generic and too sterile.

I should note that I was 15 weeks pregnant during our search, a little bit snippy and convinced that I was going to have this baby in our one bedroom, second floor flat with a balcony and barely any room to store my shoes let alone a baby. So you could say I was a bit of a demanding customer with a seriously tight timeline, in other words every estate agents nightmare.

How we sold, bought & moved in 12 weeks - Part 2

This is the second part of my story of moving houses whilst heavily pregnant. The first part can be read here. I've shared some pictures of the house when we first bought it with the view to doing a before an after post..as soon as the house is fully decorated!

March Skin Care Favourites

                                        

If there is two pieces of beauty advice my mum imparted on me it was ; look after your teeth and moisturise your skin. Well I have recently had a filling on the teeth so I'm failing slightly on that one but I do like to think I am obsessive with moisturising my face. Back when I was 16, this meant using a bottle of Olay which lasted about a year. Those were simpler times. Now every lotion claims to be a miracle cream, there is an apparent need for a fully fledged schedule of products and specific times to use them for best results. I'm sharing the products I love at the moment to give an honest view on what’s worked for me. As I like to change products all the time but these are the core four that I use all the time.

Getting out and over the fear

Last week I wrote an honest Instagram post about how I’ve been bricking it every time I venture past the front door with the baby. The past four months I’ve been learning how to look after a baby and discovering what kind of mother I want to be. With that has come amazing highs as well as the inevitable lows. A major challenge for me is has been how I am perceived by people in public about my mothering skills. It has ruled my day and often ended up in Eva and I staying indoors where it’s safe, rather than getting outside and mingling with the public because she may have a meltdown and I can’t calm her, resulting in me feeling the ‘warm wash of embarrassment’ sweep over me due to my inept parenting.