This post is for the exhausted and tired parents who are
co-sleeping and have realised that they haven’t slept for more than an hour
every single night. I’ve documented on Instagram our trials and tribulations
with trying to get Eva into her own bed, after several months of co-sleeping. A
few of you have messaged me to ask how we are approaching it and how it’s
going. DISCLAIMER I’m by not an expert, this post is just an accumulation of trial
and error coupled with some serious determination.
Let me start by saying that co-sleeping is wonderful,
rewarding and when done safely has worked really well for us in the past to
make sure we all slept. However we’ve found that as Eva has gotten much bigger
that she ends up vertical in bed, kicking Luke in the ribs and punching me in
the face. And quite frankly with me returning to full time work, I need some
sleep! Another big issue for us was that we weren’t able to relax downstairs
while she was on the bed for fear she would roll off and hurt herself. So we
made the decision that Eva needed to get reacquainted with her own bed!
As Eva has gotten much more mobile and let’s just say
‘rambunctious’ we found that she was struggling to get comfy and ending up
kicking and waking herself and us up frequently. After one sleep deprived night
I made the decision that it wasn’t beneficial to any of us to continue. I began
researching sleep training methods, trailing through mums net and sleep
websites to find an approach that I felt comfortable with. I’ve never been into
the ‘controlled crying’ method so I knew instantly that was out for me. After
discussing it with Luke, we wanted a much more gentler approach because I knew
that we both would not be able to handle letting her cry and not intervening.
It’s definitely a difficult decision and it’s so tricky knowing what to try as
all of these methods take time as there is no instant fix.
I would recommend
doing research and using forums to see people’s experiences. However try
not to get too caught up in it as all babies are different and they respond
accordingly. It’s a long process and we are still muddling our way forward but
we have gone from refusal to even be in her cot, to settling and sleeping until
2am each night without wake up.
What is the pick-up/put down method?
I came across the pickup / put down method on Net Mums
whilst reading an article on sleep training techniques. The technique was
coined by Tracy Hogg who was hailed as the ‘Baby Whisperer’ as she has claimed
that understanding the language of babies will lead to being able to calm the
most distressed infant. The central theme to her method is about working ‘what
kind of baby’ you have and adapting a parenting plan which works in harmony for
them. Tracy’s mantra is to teach parents how to ‘calm, connect and communicate
with your baby’. For me this was exactly the gentle approach I wanted to imbed
into our bedtime routine. I didn’t want bedtime to become a source of angst for
the whole household, instead creating a calm event for Eva.
The PUPD method is as simple as it sounds. When baby is
crying, you pick her up, soothe and cuddle her until she is sleepy and then you
put her back in the cot. A key phrase is used consistently to create a calm
communication between you and baby. The phrase we use is ‘Sleepy time baby’
which you say as you soothe them with your hand on their tummy or back. This method
is time consuming and definitely doesn’t work immediately. It requires a bit of
time and patience but that’s to be expected as Eva was completely bewildered
the first night!
How we prepared for the PUPD method
We used this guide as a template and adapted it slightly
Create consistency around meal and bed times : We have
breakfast at 8am, lunch at 12pm and dinner at 4pm. Bedtime is 7pm, although
depending on whether she has napped in the afternoon she may be ready for bed
by 6.30pm. Also use the method for naps too which will help with the bedtimes!
Have a calm bed routine : Our bedtime routine is the same
every night which has meant Eva has begun to associate certain ques with time
to wind down. We tune into In the night garden at 6.20pm, then its story time
and cuddles for 10 minutes and then she’s put into her cot with a bottle of
warm milk and her dummy
Don’t let her fall asleep on you, put her into the cot
whilst she’s sleepy but still awake
Manage your expectations : This is a transition for both of
you, it can take a few weeks for you both to adapt to it. I’d also recommend not
starting whilst in the middle of other changes such as starting childcare or
teething. We started Eva off in the cot in our room and then have moved it into
her own room.
How to do the PUPD method
This is the official guide that we used and I’ve linked from
Net Mums
here:
1.
If your baby cries when you first put her down,
put your hand on her chest gently and reassure her with a 'Shhhh' or key phrase
you always use like ‘It's sleepy time'.
2.
If that
doesn't soothe her, pick her up and repeat the key phrase.
3.
When she stops crying, but is still awake, put
her back down in her cot. If she starts crying on the way down, put her in
anyway.
4.
If she is still crying, pick her up again.
Repeat this process until you can see signs that your baby is settling (for
example, her cries are getting weaker).
5.
When you see this settling behaviour, don’t pick
her up anymore. Leave her in her cot, place your hand on her and say your
phrase.
6.
Leave the room.
7.
If your baby starts crying again, repeat the
process as many times as needed until she's asleep.
How we got on
I went into this with low expectations as Eva wouldn’t even
sit in her cot without crying. However the key phrase and rubbing her tummy
really helped to create a calm environment which she sensed. The fact that she
was comforted when she did get very upset meant that both Luke and I were able
to keep calm and continue with the method. We actually managed to get her to
sleep on the first night within 30 minutes which I thought was amazing!
Since
then we’ve had some nights which she hasn’t gone to sleep for over an hour
however factors such as teething and a heatwave were definitely contributing.
Eva now will go to sleep on a normal night within about 5 minutes of using the
method. We are still working towards getting her to self settle back to sleep if she does wake but for now its made a massive difference to our lives. Being able to go downstairs and actually have an evening as a couple has being amazing! I'll keep you up to date on our next stage of the process but thank you for reading and let me know if you have any questions!
